The Humor of What If
by Lizzy3
Summary: This is about what I think it would have been like if Voldemort hadn't existed. Harry's parents were still alive. The second chapter is up. Lily and James answer the question of where babies come from. Will a new Potter soon be on the way?
1. Default Chapter

This story is about what it would have been like if there had been no Voldemort. I  
  
I own only the plot so don't sue me Ok!  
  
Four year old Ron and Harry stood in front of the toy story. They had lost their parents a while back but it seemed to them like a vast improvement. Meanwhile Lily, James, Molly, Arthur, Sirius, and Remus were looking in earnest for the four year olds. "Ron Ron RON sweaty where are you tell mummy where you are" Molly was shouting getting kind of hysterical. "I swear when I find Harry he's not going out of my sight for the next year" James said nervously. "James you wouldn't let him out of your sight anyway!" Sirius said laughing at the distraught father.  
  
"That's it Molly we're using the leash" Arthur said his ears getting red. "Shouldn't you check in front of the toy store?" Remus asked. "Why didn't I think of that?" Lilly said angrily. The walked quickly toward Bernstein and Banks the rest of the Weasley children in tow. "There you are" James exclaimed relieved as he caught sight of Harry's messy black hair. Molly charged at her son handing Ginny to Arthur. "My baby I'm so glad I found you we looked everywhere" Molly said squeezing Ron so tight his eyes bulged out.  
  
"Harry" Lilly sighed relieved as she scooped up her son. "Never" do that again Molly said punctuating each never with a kiss. "Mum get off I'm fine. Harry and I were looking at the Quiditch set. You can just leave us here so we can look at it more" Ron said hopefully as he pushed his mothers face away. "Yeah" Harry said hopefully.  
  
"Are you out of your MIND" James said looking at his son and ruffling his hair. "You're not getting out of my sight. We don't want to loose you again," James said. "We have to go Ron and Ginny need to take their naps" Arthur said. "Yes Harry needs to take his too. Bye Molly Arthur" Lilly said waving.  
  
"Ahh dad do I have to" Ron moaned. "Yes Ron you've had a busy day. Bye Lily, James" Molly said. "You want to ride on my shouldires Harry" James asked. "No I want to stay here and go in the toy store" Harry said crossing his arms over his chest and sticking his bottom lip out. "Harry" James said in a threatening tone. "Fine I'll ride on your shoulders" Harry said his little face trying not to grin. They walked into the Leaky Couldren and used floo pouder to get home. Lily held Harry's hand and said "Potter Cottege" and they were home.  
  
"Dad can we go play quidditch with Uncle Sirius and Uncle Remus please" Harry asked with a puppy face smeared on. "Oh all ri, um no you have to take your nap" James said looking at the angry face of his wife. "Come on I'll read you a story" he said with a furtive glance at Lily. Harry was asleep before James got to the second page. "Oh this is good now we can be alone" James said giving a sly look at his wife.  
  
"You know I've still got it" James said raising his eyebrows. He dove at her and she quickly moved out of the way. "Hey what was that for" James asked alarmed as she sat peacefully reading a book. "With Harry I don't really need you anymore. You knew I was only going to use you for sperm" she replied calmly. "Ah don't give me that" James said and pinned her successfully to the couch.  
  
"Oh behave Mr. Potter" Lilly said giggleing. They had no idea how long they were at it, but Harry walked in and said in his little voice "Ok well I can see I'm interrupting something. I'll just go back to bed". Lilly's eyes widened. "No hoeny we're done" she said brushing a strand of auburn hair out of her face. James got out from under her and said "So Harry want to go play some quidditch".  
  
"Sure but I don't have a broom" Harry said grinning. "You actually think I'm letting you on a broom by yourself" Lilly exclaimed. "MUM" Harry said his lip jutting out. "I'm not giving in to this Harry James Potter you can ride on the broom with your father. And James I don't want you going up to high with him on the broom" she said looking sternly at her son then husband.  
  
Harry and James headed out onto the back yard. James got on his broom and put Harry on in front of him. Harry grasped the broom and James clasped his hands onto the handle so that Harry was under his powerful torso. James lifted off and they were flying. "Dad this is GREAT. Can we go any higher" James laughed and went higher. They went higher and higher till they were soring through the clouds. James could hear his wife's voice from down below. "James Potter you bring my son down here right now. I don't like him being that high" she screamed in a worried tone.  
  
"Don't make me come up there" she screeched again. "Should we make her come up here" James whispered to Harry. "Yeah that would be really funny" Harry laughed. They waited a few minutes then saw Lily coming up toward them. She had a queasy look on her face. "James bring Harry down now I hate being up this high" she said in an unnaturally high voice. "Ok fine James said and he took an almost vertical drop. Lily was ahead of him in her hurry to get on the ground. When they hit the ground she ran over to Harry and grabbed him. "You better not have liked that darling because your keeping your feet on the ground.  
  
They all went inside. Lily was making dinner, and Harry, and James were playing in the study. "Dad" Harry said suddenly. "Yes Harry" James said looking up from the game. "I was wondering, where do babies come from" he finished choosing his words carefully. "Um, um why don't you ask your mother about that" James said a look of mock camlmness on his face. "Ok" Harry said hopping off the chair and heading into the kitchen. "Mummy" Harry asked. "Yes baby" Lily asked as she pealed potatoes. "Where do babies come from" he asked for the second time. "Um why don't you ask your father" Lily said a little alarmed. Harry sighed and went up to his bedroom.  
  
For his birthday Sirius had gotten him a video walky-talky. One had been given to his best friend Ron. "Ron" he said loudly into the speaker. "Yes" Ron asked. "Do YOU know where babies come from" he asked exasperated. "No, but I bet Charlie or Bill knows, they know everything. I'll go ask them" Ron said matter-o-factly. He trotted off to where his brothers were playing chess. "Charlie" Ron asked quietly. "Yeah Ronnykins" Charlie said distantly. "Do you know where babies come from" he asked. "Um yeah, you really shouldn't hear this from us, go to the source" Bill said saving Charlie. "But who's the source" Ron asked in an exasperated tone. "Mum and Dad of course" Charlie said catching the drift. "Fine lot of help you all are" he mumbled as walked out of the room. "They told me to ask my mum and dad" Ron said disappointedly to Harry. "Yeah well call me when you find something out" Harry said and hung up. 


	2. The Talk

Again I own only the plot and no characters.  
  
At dinner that night Harry sat in silence for awhile. His parents were talking about some boring thing at work. Finally he just said bluntly, "mum dad would you please tell me where babies come from" this question was met with very comfortable looks on each of their faces. "Well um Harry, Lily maybe you should do this one" James said blushing perfusly. "Why me James" Lily hissed uncomfortably. "I did the potty talk you can do the sex talk" James hissed back. "We AGREED that you would do the potty talk with Harry and when we have a daughter I'll talk to her" Lily said angrily. "Well I don't see why Harry is asking this now, I didn't think we'd have to deal with this until he was shaving" James hissed back. "Well we have to tell him now" Lily reasoned.  
  
"Babies come from inside mommies" Lily started. "So how do they get inside mommies" Harry asked. "Well mommies and daddies um well they um. Daddies give mommies something called sperm. They look like little tad- poles and then the sperm and the egg um mix and they make a baby inside the mommy" James said looking increasingly more uncomfortable by the second. "Well how do they get in there" Harry asked again. "Um Harry there are some things better left to the imagination" James said quietly. "Anyway the baby grows inside the mommy. Then when the baby is all done..um. cooking the mommy pushes the baby out of her" Lily finished. "Oh were you and daddy mixing the sperm and the egg right after my nap" Harry asked grinning. "Um..Yes" James said.  
  
"Harry I think it's time for you to go to bed" Lily said after Harry had finished eating his icecream. "Do I have to" Harry asked whining. "Yes" James said. James carried Harry up the stairs and helped him into his quidditch pajamas. He helped Harry brush his teath, wash his face, and go to the bathroom. Then Lily and James read Harry a bed time story and kissed him goodnight. Harry slept contentedly in his room and Lily and James went to their bedroom.  
  
"James" Lily said after they had turned off the light. "Do you want to mix the sperm and the egg" she said starting to giggle. "Oh yeah baby" James said. At midnight Harry was awakened by the sounds of screams from his parents bedroom. He smiled to himself and thought of names to name his little brother or sister. 


End file.
